This week had some low lows for me. I cried in front of two coworkers on separate occasions Thursday morning just before I taught my first lesson. If I hadn't previously expressed how grateful I am for coworkers like Chris and Eric who responded by giving me coffee, a donut, and a hug when I burst into tears in front of them, let me publicly declare it here. With my stress levels high, my immune system was low, and I went to bed Thursday night sure I was finally sick with the bug students have been fighting off and sneezing around campus for the past two weeks. My sleeping was impacted by the sickness just when the tea Helen had brought me Tuesday might have been starting to have a positive effect.
After finishing my lesson Friday, I barely got anything done Friday night or all of Saturday, and today I only tidied up and read a couple chapters of a book that made me cry. I teared up and the words blurred as I read Chanel Miller recount the verdict announcement in her famous case. I thought about the word "perspective" when I managed to get through the last page of the chapter where she finally reads the encouragements of others who stand in solidarity with her. I don't mean that her suffering is worse than mine so it makes me feel better.
Rather, like Chanel who couldn't see the thousands of voiceless others who prayed for her and cheered her on in their thoughts, I sometimes forget that I have a really incredible support team when I'm caught up in the difficulties around me. Many coworkers offered me support and encouragement this week when I was at max capacity; my noisy G period blew me away with their kindness when they self monitored their volume during a workday after I told the class I had a horrible headache. I even had a group skype call with two alumni who care about me being on staff and want to join me on this team at BFA that supports students finding and following Jesus.
Another important piece of perspective for me is when I sit down to write my weekly updates, I don't always have physical celebrations to post online about my miraculous recovery. Instead, I have a valuable piece of my holistic recovery to be honest with the internet about. I've grown a lot as a person and an educator this quarter despite the slow down of my physical improvements. I know it's still a trajectory to a better, healthier me. I've got one more week before Christmas break, and as all teachers know, the students tend to turn their brains off before they actually finish the week. Additionally, some of them are leaving early, so my lessons need to be crafted carefully to adjust for those physically and mentally absent. Please pray for me this week to finish the week well and enter into the break ready to do some all important PDUs and paperwork for my teacher license renewal coming up in February. Fortunately, I also have several alumni visits to look forward to over break.